IT’LL ONLY SEEM LIKE FOREVER

Get that diet into line and you’ll likely live longer; even if you don’t live a second longer it’ll seem like an eternity:

Eating loads of fruit and vegetables – 10 portions a day – may give us longer lives, say researchers.

The study, by Imperial College London, calculated such eating habits could prevent 7.8 million premature deaths each year.

Cool, to avoid premature death all I need do is stop smoking, reduce beer consumption, cut down on the¬†fatty foods – is there anything tastier than bacon? – stop riding a motorcycle and exercise more. Or I could continue enjoying life, fall of the perch prematurely, make several women happy and save the government heaps on what they’d otherwise spend on me in my dotage.

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